Day 19

"Whom have I in heaven but you?

And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may  fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever."

-- Psalm 77:25-26

I need to make this quick, I have an early class tomorrow. :(

Today, I think God is just reminding me to keep on trusting in Him, to keep remembering that He is in control; that He is the only one I can rely on. I can't rely on others, and I especially can't rely on myself. But at least God is there to make sure that everything is in order and that even the mishaps, He controls.

...God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

This verse. It's just so beautiful. I mean, I'm just now learning how to let God's love complete me, for His love to be the only thing to satisfy me thoroughly. He will be the strength of my heart and my portion forever. And right now, right after he just called, I really thank God that He gave me enough strength to resist talking to him for a long time. I don't exactly know what he's thinking, but he's already called me twice this week. And it's just confusing because, wasn't he the one who wanted us to have distance and have little to no communication with each other? What is this then? You maybe over it, over us, but I'm not like you. Give me time, don't rush me and think that we're good when I'm still hurting. Give me a few more months and I'll probably be fine with being your friend again, but not this time.

I'm glad that you can finally go back to school and all - although hopefully for the right reasons and motives, but hey, it's your life - and I know that you don't really know who you can talk to right now, but can you please just try to put yourself in my position for a minute? It's not even the awkwardness that's bothering me. It's the fact that you're making me risk lose everything that I worked hard for the past couple of months just trying to get over you. I know, I need to stop answering the phone when you call. But, please just don't call and I wouldn't have this problem now. Hindi naman kita tinataboy e. Iniisip ko lang din sarili ko. Because I know that if I keep on entertaining your calls, I'll be the only one who'll get hurt again.

The Lord is the strength of my heart and the portion of my soul.

After he called, I really wanted God to speak to me, and I thank Him for doing so through this passage. He gives me strength and His love will complete me; He really is all that I need. I just need to remind myself of that constantly. 

He has my back, He's got me covered.