Day 15

Have you ever made the distinction between joy and happiness?

I'm certain that most of us have always thought the two words to be synonymous to each other. It's understandable of course, both words convey the same basic feeling, that is happiness. In camp (well, I think it was in camp), it was mentioned - I forget who - that happiness is a bit more temporal while joy is deeper than that, that joy is eternal. At least, that was what I understood of it. 

Happiness is experienced when, for example, a really good thing happened and so it makes one really happy. But it's temporal in the sense that should something happen that puts one in a terrible mood, then the 'happy feeling' is gone (and gosh do I sound so much like a Dante student right now. :| ) As for joy. Well, joy lasts longer. A person can have joy whether they're happy or not. I mean, it's still a bit hazy for me, but the gist is there... ish. I guess, what really separates happiness from joy is that with joy, choice is present. Meaning, you choose to be joyful, to look at things in a different way, to see the good in things. 

It's a choice, being joyful. And it shows a person's strength of character, I think. After all, only a strong person is able to be joyful despite the misfortunes and hurt that he goes through. 

Today, I'm thankful for this joy that I have. Given everything that has happened, all the things that I had experienced, and should it happen to any other person, they probably would have made them an excuse to be sad and depressed. I'm not going to lie, I was quite the emotional mess when all this first started, I daresay that you are a witness to that, dear reader. I should right? I should be mad and hurt and angry all the time, and I mean, I am, but not in the destructive way. I'm still all those things, but I think they're slowly shrinking and I realize that I'm finding some joy in the situation that I'm in right now. Today almost felt like I was high on something. Just. You don't need drugs or whatever to make you feel high or happy. It's just God.

I know that it doesn't come from me, this strength, this joy. I can't ever credit it to myself. While I made the conscious effort to be happy, to make myself accept the way that things are, this strength really doesn't come from me. It comes from God - as everything else in this world comes from Him. I'm just so grateful for it, I'm so grateful that He believes in me, that He loves me. 

His love will complete me, it will give me the strength to forgive. I'm getting there. Malapit na.