Day 16

There are so many things that I'm thankful for today. :) Today was a full day. Ahe. 

For any other person, today would have been perfect. And I suppose it practically is, I don't know. I guess that feeling is back, or it's just one of those days. Anyway, I am thankful for having attended the Global Day of Prayer today at church. I was a bit hesitant at first, because I didn't know if there would be anyone I know who would be going as well. But a couple of people from the youth were there and we got gather around and pray for the country and all the Filipinos - both here and abroad. It was a blessing as well, seeing and hearing the response of all these people, coming before God and praying to Him. It was inspiring for me to witness that, especially since I know my prayer life still needs a lot of work.

I also had AG with the girls today, had lunch with them. I've never actually had an accountability group before, barely had an accountability partner that I had constant contact with. I'm just feeling so blessed right now, and so amazed by God's timing that He brought us all together now when most of us are experiencing the same situations. I really do believe that God made us each other's support system. I don't know, maybe it's a girl thing, like Ian said, but I guess girls are more prone to huddling together and talking about problems. In any case, I am still thankful that it pushed through since it almost didn't. I'm thankful that each one of us took the time to meet with each other and catch up with each other. 

I'm also thankful for making the choice to attend the 'How to do Your Devotions' seminar. It was a reminder of a lot of the things that I already knew, but I was also able to learn different things as well. Especially through the passaged that we took up today; Psalm 1. This passage talked about righteousness and depravity, and of course, learning how to do my devos properly. Mostly though, I'm thankful for the sermon or message tonight. If anything, God really has perfect timing. Today, the sermon was about Forgiveness. It was unexpected, but it was something that I welcomed nonetheless. I suppose because I knew that I had to, that it was God's way of pointing me in the right direction and answering my prayers. After all, I was the one who told Him that I wanted to be able to learn how to forgive, that I really don't want to be mad anymore. So tonight was an answered prayer.

It's just really difficult though. Especially since forgiveness requires more than just reconciliation, that the offended should be able to look past the sin of the offender, reconcile with them and restore the relationship back to its original condition - prior to the falling out. In Filipino - parang walang nangyari. There lies the difficulty. Especially since I remember everything, and it's just difficult to let it go, right now at least. Just. Eh. I didn't feel like God was pressuring me naman to forgive Him right away. I know that He understands how difficult it must be to forgive another person, but I feel like it's a little push in that direction. 

Today, I was able to pray for him again after everything that had happened. I remember someone saying, I think it was Paster Narry who said this, that the moment you're able to pray for the person who has offended you, you've forgiven them. Now I know that with me, that's not really the case yet. I still haven't been able to forgive him completely, I mean each day I think I'm making progress. But I don't want it to be the case that I prayed for him because I still have feelings for him. I mean, I do, but I didn't pray for him because of that. Honestly, despite all the crap that he pulled on me and a bunch of other people, I just wish that he won't forget his relationship with God just because a lot of people are mad at him. It's not cool to sabotage your relationship with God, ok? Not cool.

I want to forgive you, I really do, and I think I'm making small progress now. But in order for me to do that completely, I still need to forgive myself. And that's a whole other mess I need to deal with.