Failing to Expect the Unexpected

You know how in certain events - maybe in concerts or school plays or maybe even fire drills - the people in charge always tells you: “Expect the unexpected” or “Anticipate the worse and prepare for it”. But you’re not really paying much attention so you take it lightly - you pass it off as trying to stay as alert as possible. You know it, but you don’t really believe that it would happen.

The same thing sort of happened to me this evening. 

Now, I haven’t seen Mr. Ex for almost 5 months now, and I’ve gotten really used to it; comfortable even. Of course, at the back of my mind I knew that it wasn’t going to always be like that, that he’s going to show up eventually. Well, if it weren’t for my being at Fontana on that day, we would have definitely seen each other 2 weeks ago. That I arrived in Ortigas at around 9pm on that day was something of a blessing from God. He knew, without a doubt, that I wasn’t ready to face him (even if I have moved on). 

So when I saw him this evening, I felt as though the wind got knocked out of my lungs (Actually, I don’t know how to describe it. It was generally a weird feeling that settled over me, over my chest). Though, the urge to go to him, run to him, or anything that would make me be close to him was never there. Mostly, I was just thinking, This is so weird. It’s like seeing a ghost from my past. And for the most part, he is - he is my version of ghost of Christmas past. 

Shameful as it sounds, I wanted to run away and hide when I saw him. I was afraid of just encountering him, because you know what, seeing your ex is always going to be weird and awkward (that high 5 in the hallway? Awkward). What’s even more shameful, I actually thought that God didn’t prepare me for it; na parang: O iyan, you’re both in the same place. Deal with it.

But He prepared me, He continued to be faithful while I took His word lightly thinking that I was over that chapter in my life. Throughout the week, God revealed to me, reminded me to just keep on trusting in Him - no matter the circumstance. He reminded me that how we respond to certain situations in our lives will differentiate us. I mean, He set us apart for a reason. At first I was confused because I just kept on thinking, Yeah Lord, I know. I know how to cling onto You when certain things arise.

And to think that I wanted to hide like David did in his Psalms. Despite knowing that I can rely on God, for the first half of the service this evening, I actually failed to remember that I should rely and trust in God. When I skimmed through my devos in my head, and realized that God was preparing me since the week started, I read the passage for today. It was from Psalms 56, verses 3-4 really struck me. It says, 

“When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I TRUST; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?”

Then I started to be okay after that, I tried to process what was happening and talked to God about it then and there. And I am just thankful that He is such a sovereign God, and I know that it has been said so many times before. Pero sobrang iba talaga ‘pag na-experience mo na hindi ka talaga pababayaan ni God. He knows full well what I can and cannot handle. (And excuse me to be a bit of a nerd here, but God is just the perfect teacher. We have this term called Zone of Proximal Development in CDE. It’s the stage where children do certain tasks that need the guidance or assistance of a mature adult. This week, and especially tonight, I felt God guiding me through everything.)

So the point is, while seeing him today made me lose my footing a little, God was there to assist me in regaining my balance once again. 

I am just in awe of our God. He is universal and personal at the same time; and when you personally experience His love for you, grabe lang ang kilig. He is indeed, worthy of all glory and praise.