Firstfruits

"Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine." -- Proverbs 3:9-10

Being a grown up and earning money. First payday!

Today, I got my very first salary. It has been quite the momentous event and have in fact, reached quite a milestone. And there really isn't much that I can do except praise God for his faithfulness. I mean, I wouldn't even have a salary if it wasn't for Him placing me in this school. I assure you, the unsettling feeling hasn't completely left me yet, but the "veterans" have not lacked in helping us newbies feel welcomed and settled in. God has done SO much in my life already in just the past week. My only response, truly, is gratitude.

I always intended to give my firstfruit to my parents - they are after all, the ones who have gone through my troubles with me and I'm certain that it wasn't easy for them to work for more than half their lives just to have the last of the bunch (me) finally finish college. Add to that the fact that the college that I ended up choosing isn't particularly cheap. I tried to help. I thought that if I maybe tried my hardest, then my academic performance would qualify me to become a merit scholar and therefore allow my parents to keep some of the money that they were about to continue investing in mine. Tuition wasn't - isn't - cheap and having sent 3 kids in private schools have taken a lot from them.

I don't want to say that I owe them - because I don't want to imply that my parents did what they did just because they were legally obligated to do so. Instead, I am immensely grateful to them. I know. We've had a lot of ups and downs, and half the time we're not communicating. But please, I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate everything that you've done for me. Sobra-sobra na nga eh. (Dear parents, the reason why I insist on being independent is because I don't want to burden you anymore.) 

To me, giving them my first salary doesn't even come close to all of the things that they've done for me - whether I wanted them to do it or not. 

I appreciate and I love you both, and I only pray that my work doesn't just bring me joy but that it could be something that you might actually be proud of. I know that my salary deserves to go to God as well, but I figured, God has ministered to me a lot through my parents. I know that there's no substitute to personally giving it to Him. I may be giving the money to my parents, but to You, O God, do I offer up my efforts. I pray that this offering my be pleasing in Your eyes and that You may be glorified.

And I thank You everyday.

21 and Still Growing

Actually, I've been an adult for almost 4 years now. But it was only this week that I truly felt like a "grown up".

After Youth L.I.V.E.'s annual Youth Camp the past week, I reported for work the morning after. It doesn't matter that I didn't get a decent amount of sleep. I'm an "adult" now and when your bosses tell you to come in for work, you do it. The experience was - sometimes is - daunting. It wasn't about the work environment at all (after all, most of the faculty members graduated from UA&P). I suppose, it really was the implication of actually being accountable for my future shortcomings and especially being responsible for my future students.

Change isn't only difficult; it's terrifying.

The morning of my first day, my dad actually talks to me about insurance and how he talked to my brother about it. I felt my head nodding but my mind already got lost the moment he mentioned the word "insurance". I never really understood the concept - especially how it's supposed to help you as you get older. Then there's tax payments, and SSS pins and all these other government related things I just have no clue about. I just felt a general lack of preparedness on my part. As though I'm uncertain of whether or not I'm supposed to be growing up.

But I think God has been consistently reassuring me that yes, I do have to grow up and move on with my life and that it's not like I'll be left all alone. I have people I know and trust in my workplace, and I think God spoke through my mom as to why He placed me there specifically.

(I think this is something I have to keep telling myself so that I could get used to it.)

I suppose it's more than a little bizarre that a year ago I was a camper and an incoming 4th year university student and now I just finished helping out at our camp as a buzz group leader/team counselor/worship team member and about a month away from my own graduation. Seriously. Where did the time go? And why is it in such a rush to fly by?

There are so many things that have been happening lately that I'm not too sure my head's caught up with what's been going on in my life.

Adulthood's more than a little frightening - and I'm not too sure how everyone else has done it. I'll be turning 22 a few days short of a couple of months - but that brings me no comfort at all. All I'm really doing now is trusting that God will show me how to go about being a light to the place he specifically chose for me to be in. I can't even really distinguish between excited and terrified anymore.

I just. I need to take it a day at a time. I know God will lead me where He wants me to be. Ang dami kong arte. This is mostly attributed to a new environment and a new chapter in my life. I know this will get better and I'll get used to it. I'm just overwhelmed. But this will pass.

Okay. Stay calm. Pray. Take it a day at a time. 

Are we good?

Good.

Next major life event - June 1 graduation. Here, you get a selfie:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

-- Philippians 4:13

EDIT: On the flipside though, I will be discipling 3 girls starting June. And that's scary and such a blessing at the same time. GAH. Lord. Let Your wisdom be upon me as I mentor and help shape these girls into the daughters that You want them to be.