Why do I allow myself to be masochistic?
So… I googled her. And she has a Fan Page on Facebook. I was mildly amused, but more annoyed and disgusted.
I don’t know why I did that. Maybe to examine her? See if she’s really pretty. And she is. I can’t deny that. She has a pretty smile. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I should walk my talk really. I said I’ d stop thinking about it, about any of them, about the entire thing and just move on. I guess I still wonder what was it about her that got made me hurt like this so much.
Guh. Under different circumstances, sure. I bet she’s a nice girl. But right now, all I can think about when I see her is that she’s the second major reason why this is happening. [I realize I’m being unfair. But it’s foul what she’s done. She should have backed off. But he he should have stopped seeing her.]
I don’t even know what I’ll do or how I’ll react if he brings her to GCF or if she goes there. Might do something drastic. I don’t know.
I realize this is not glorifying God at all. But I am so close to hating the both of them.
Guh. Neither of you are worth the thinking space in my head.
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