Day 50: Thank God I'm a Woman

"I cared for you in the desert in the land of burning heat. When I fed them, they were satisfied; when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me." --Hosea 13:5-6

Sometimes I think, being a woman is really tough. Every month from the moment we hit puberty, our hormones go on on this roller coaster ride that only our biological chemistry understands. Guys think that it's tough on them - especially those in relationships - to live with or relate to women when they are having their monthly. Well, however difficult it maybe for them, it's still nothing compared to the physical, emotional, and intellectual fatigue that we have to go through for that one week in each month. Sometimes, I even think that our emotions are let lose on that particular time that our minds and bodies are both struggling to keep up with it. 

It's tough to be a woman. But it's tougher to be a woman without God.

I personally think that without God by my side, I'd be crazy by now. The fact that women haven't tried to kill themselves because of the hormonal ride they get every month, I think, is a manifestation of God's grace. Which is why I thought Hosea 13:5-6 to be quite interesting. Taking it as it is, and setting aside for a moment that this is a passage from the Bible, the two verses sound like it's coming from a woman. To be more specific, it sounds like an embittered woman who have been set aside and forgotten after the efforts she placed on something or on someone. 

Looking at it at a human and mortal perspective, it seems like God is complaining - to be more direct, in Filipino parang nanunumbat ang Diyos. And if there was one thing I learned the earlier this year: huwag na huwag kang manunumbat sa mga taong hindi naman nangailangan ng tulong, regalo, o pagmamahal mo. It may seem off to us, but to God, it's totally fair and just. Why? Well, for one thing, He is our God, and as God, He has done so many things for our benefit. But sometimes, we get so blinded by our pride that we fail to see things in God's point of view. For another, God is a perfect and holy God. His understanding knows no bounds, and is a generous God. He gives in the context of what He knows is good for us, not what limitations deem best for us. And as we saw continuously since the beginning of time, God has been generous and faithful to His people. It was His people that continuously sinned against Him.

Kaya patawarin natin si God kung nagtatampo siya at may karapatan naman siya.

So how does this relate to this post's title? 

Well, it's mostly because I thought it was witty. But also because for those two verses, I imagined God to be a woman - but yes, I am perfectly aware that God is a spirit and therefore, does not really have a gender. And in some way, I imagined myself saying it - or at least, felt that I might say it in the future, when, God willing, I have a family or something. I know that at least for that moment, God certainly understands how women feel on a monthly basis - whether it be because of the monster that is our hormones, or a contextual something. That is, to feel insignificant, unappreciated, hurt. 

I thank God for His understanding. I thank God that despite the difficulties that came with being a woman, I am one. I thank God for the countless benefits that comes with being a woman - bringing a child into the world, nurturing a child like a mother would, loving a child like he/she is the only one that matters. 

Lord, I don't really know the point of this post. Ahe. But what I know is, before writing this, I wasn't feeling well - I mean, I haven't been feeling good lately. It's probably because I let myself get distracted by so many things and seek for other things when my security should lie with You. Lord, You know how emotionally tired I already am by everything that has been happening and how I'm afraid my emotions are making me think irrationally. Lord, I know that You are in control and I know that in Your perfect time, I'll truly be alright. I know that my emotions are super wonky right now, but I thank You for them anyway because they came from You - and You are the source of all good. Lord, help me please to glorify You. Help me to just focus on You and on my relationship with You. I wish to grow deeper in love with You. In Your Name I pray, Amen.

warning: this post was written by a highly emotional girl who is on her period.