21 and Still Growing

Actually, I've been an adult for almost 4 years now. But it was only this week that I truly felt like a "grown up".

After Youth L.I.V.E.'s annual Youth Camp the past week, I reported for work the morning after. It doesn't matter that I didn't get a decent amount of sleep. I'm an "adult" now and when your bosses tell you to come in for work, you do it. The experience was - sometimes is - daunting. It wasn't about the work environment at all (after all, most of the faculty members graduated from UA&P). I suppose, it really was the implication of actually being accountable for my future shortcomings and especially being responsible for my future students.

Change isn't only difficult; it's terrifying.

The morning of my first day, my dad actually talks to me about insurance and how he talked to my brother about it. I felt my head nodding but my mind already got lost the moment he mentioned the word "insurance". I never really understood the concept - especially how it's supposed to help you as you get older. Then there's tax payments, and SSS pins and all these other government related things I just have no clue about. I just felt a general lack of preparedness on my part. As though I'm uncertain of whether or not I'm supposed to be growing up.

But I think God has been consistently reassuring me that yes, I do have to grow up and move on with my life and that it's not like I'll be left all alone. I have people I know and trust in my workplace, and I think God spoke through my mom as to why He placed me there specifically.

(I think this is something I have to keep telling myself so that I could get used to it.)

I suppose it's more than a little bizarre that a year ago I was a camper and an incoming 4th year university student and now I just finished helping out at our camp as a buzz group leader/team counselor/worship team member and about a month away from my own graduation. Seriously. Where did the time go? And why is it in such a rush to fly by?

There are so many things that have been happening lately that I'm not too sure my head's caught up with what's been going on in my life.

Adulthood's more than a little frightening - and I'm not too sure how everyone else has done it. I'll be turning 22 a few days short of a couple of months - but that brings me no comfort at all. All I'm really doing now is trusting that God will show me how to go about being a light to the place he specifically chose for me to be in. I can't even really distinguish between excited and terrified anymore.

I just. I need to take it a day at a time. I know God will lead me where He wants me to be. Ang dami kong arte. This is mostly attributed to a new environment and a new chapter in my life. I know this will get better and I'll get used to it. I'm just overwhelmed. But this will pass.

Okay. Stay calm. Pray. Take it a day at a time. 

Are we good?

Good.

Next major life event - June 1 graduation. Here, you get a selfie:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

-- Philippians 4:13

EDIT: On the flipside though, I will be discipling 3 girls starting June. And that's scary and such a blessing at the same time. GAH. Lord. Let Your wisdom be upon me as I mentor and help shape these girls into the daughters that You want them to be.