Firstfruits

"Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine." -- Proverbs 3:9-10

Being a grown up and earning money. First payday!

Today, I got my very first salary. It has been quite the momentous event and have in fact, reached quite a milestone. And there really isn't much that I can do except praise God for his faithfulness. I mean, I wouldn't even have a salary if it wasn't for Him placing me in this school. I assure you, the unsettling feeling hasn't completely left me yet, but the "veterans" have not lacked in helping us newbies feel welcomed and settled in. God has done SO much in my life already in just the past week. My only response, truly, is gratitude.

I always intended to give my firstfruit to my parents - they are after all, the ones who have gone through my troubles with me and I'm certain that it wasn't easy for them to work for more than half their lives just to have the last of the bunch (me) finally finish college. Add to that the fact that the college that I ended up choosing isn't particularly cheap. I tried to help. I thought that if I maybe tried my hardest, then my academic performance would qualify me to become a merit scholar and therefore allow my parents to keep some of the money that they were about to continue investing in mine. Tuition wasn't - isn't - cheap and having sent 3 kids in private schools have taken a lot from them.

I don't want to say that I owe them - because I don't want to imply that my parents did what they did just because they were legally obligated to do so. Instead, I am immensely grateful to them. I know. We've had a lot of ups and downs, and half the time we're not communicating. But please, I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate everything that you've done for me. Sobra-sobra na nga eh. (Dear parents, the reason why I insist on being independent is because I don't want to burden you anymore.) 

To me, giving them my first salary doesn't even come close to all of the things that they've done for me - whether I wanted them to do it or not. 

I appreciate and I love you both, and I only pray that my work doesn't just bring me joy but that it could be something that you might actually be proud of. I know that my salary deserves to go to God as well, but I figured, God has ministered to me a lot through my parents. I know that there's no substitute to personally giving it to Him. I may be giving the money to my parents, but to You, O God, do I offer up my efforts. I pray that this offering my be pleasing in Your eyes and that You may be glorified.

And I thank You everyday.

21 and Still Growing

Actually, I've been an adult for almost 4 years now. But it was only this week that I truly felt like a "grown up".

After Youth L.I.V.E.'s annual Youth Camp the past week, I reported for work the morning after. It doesn't matter that I didn't get a decent amount of sleep. I'm an "adult" now and when your bosses tell you to come in for work, you do it. The experience was - sometimes is - daunting. It wasn't about the work environment at all (after all, most of the faculty members graduated from UA&P). I suppose, it really was the implication of actually being accountable for my future shortcomings and especially being responsible for my future students.

Change isn't only difficult; it's terrifying.

The morning of my first day, my dad actually talks to me about insurance and how he talked to my brother about it. I felt my head nodding but my mind already got lost the moment he mentioned the word "insurance". I never really understood the concept - especially how it's supposed to help you as you get older. Then there's tax payments, and SSS pins and all these other government related things I just have no clue about. I just felt a general lack of preparedness on my part. As though I'm uncertain of whether or not I'm supposed to be growing up.

But I think God has been consistently reassuring me that yes, I do have to grow up and move on with my life and that it's not like I'll be left all alone. I have people I know and trust in my workplace, and I think God spoke through my mom as to why He placed me there specifically.

(I think this is something I have to keep telling myself so that I could get used to it.)

I suppose it's more than a little bizarre that a year ago I was a camper and an incoming 4th year university student and now I just finished helping out at our camp as a buzz group leader/team counselor/worship team member and about a month away from my own graduation. Seriously. Where did the time go? And why is it in such a rush to fly by?

There are so many things that have been happening lately that I'm not too sure my head's caught up with what's been going on in my life.

Adulthood's more than a little frightening - and I'm not too sure how everyone else has done it. I'll be turning 22 a few days short of a couple of months - but that brings me no comfort at all. All I'm really doing now is trusting that God will show me how to go about being a light to the place he specifically chose for me to be in. I can't even really distinguish between excited and terrified anymore.

I just. I need to take it a day at a time. I know God will lead me where He wants me to be. Ang dami kong arte. This is mostly attributed to a new environment and a new chapter in my life. I know this will get better and I'll get used to it. I'm just overwhelmed. But this will pass.

Okay. Stay calm. Pray. Take it a day at a time. 

Are we good?

Good.

Next major life event - June 1 graduation. Here, you get a selfie:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

-- Philippians 4:13

EDIT: On the flipside though, I will be discipling 3 girls starting June. And that's scary and such a blessing at the same time. GAH. Lord. Let Your wisdom be upon me as I mentor and help shape these girls into the daughters that You want them to be.

Amazing Love

"But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed [...] He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth." - Isaiah 53: 5,7

This passage. Natulala kami pareho ni Ate Rhods. 

Lord, I don't know if the time will come when I will be able to comprehend the tremendous love that You have for me. It amazes and terrifies me that a perfect God would sacrifice Himself on the cross for a broken person such as myself. It's such a crazy love, Lord, and I don't even know if I'll ever understand how You thought I was worth dying on the cross for. But You did. And there's nothing I can do to ever make myself deserving of Your love, it's not something that I can work for. You've done all the work. And all I want is to know You more, to bend my will to Yours. It suddenly gets harder to breathe when I realize how much You love me (and I know how that sounds like such a corny line from a movie), but I suppose that's how a person feels when they fall in love? 

I cannot even fathom how You  managed to show so much strength in Your silence while You were on that cross. I can't even imagine how much it must have pained the Father to see His Son dying on the cross, knowing He's not supposed to do anything about it for the sake of saving a people who don't even understand why there is a need for salvation. And the craziest thing is, I know You'll do it all over again if You were asked. There are so many things I want to ask You, and I don't even know why I'm having such a hard time accepting that You thought I deserve Your love. I wonder, if your answer to my question is it's because You love me, am I going to want more questions answered? Am I going to be satisfied with that? (Is it really hard for my mind to wrap around the fact that You love me?)

Hay Lord. Ang tagal na nating magkasama. But it's like I'm a new Christian that's just gotten to know You and what You've done. And it just took my breath away. There's a new found wonder for everything that You are. (And maybe, that's not such a bad thing?)

You leave me speechless.

You take my breath away.

Loving the Miserable

I wasn't always the musical junkie. In fact, I can hardly say that I am. Thoroughly Modern Millie was the only Broadway show that I had seen live; RENT the only other musical that I obsessed about.

And now, I think I find myself in love with this musical called Les Miserables.

I think part of the reason why I love it so much (apart from the heartbreaking music) is that, as much as it is a story about falling in love and dying for democracy, it is also a story about grace - both horizontal and vertical. It portrays the story of how a man found Salvation by someone showing him what grace is all about. And the beautiful thing about it is he shows the same grace and mercy that God has shown him through the Bishop.

It's not a Christian story, but you see and hear the references. In the first few lines of 'Who Am I':

Who am I, that I condemn this man to slavery.

Pretend I do not feel his agony.

This innocent who wears my face,

Who goes to judgment in my place.

I mean, I realize these are lyrics that pertain to Valjean's inner conflict of whether he should give himself up or not. But I mean, those lines pretty much speak about the Gospel right? I mean, that's what grace is about (1 John 4:9-10). That is love: that a God would send His Son to die for a people undeserving.

I guess I just love this musical because it reminds me of how a glorious God can love and redeem miserable human beings like us. And I think I might always marvel about this fact.

The best thing about thing is, just like Valjean had, there is certainty in Salvation. If you truly believe, then you are truly saved and nothing will ever separate you from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39).

And so I must now leave you with my favorite line from this musical:

And remember the truth that once was spoken - to love another person is to see the face of God.

Psalm 115

“Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness.” – Psalm 115:1 (ESV)

This year, I’ll do better. This year, I’ll be more diligent in my studies. This time I won’t put my work down to the last minute.

Sounds familiar? We've all tried (and failed) to stick to our resolutions. We make them at the beginning of the year because we've reflected on how poorly we may have done in the previous year. So we make plans to wash the stain of the past year with renewed (and maybe premature, too) determination to be better people by our own effort so that in the end, we can proudly say that I did this because of me. While it is tempting, we end up forgetting who the focus of our year – our everyday lives, really – should be. Our year shouldn't be so that WE could shine and be the stars of our lives. We should remind ourselves that from the moment we've accepted Jesus into our lives, we've basically accepted that we’re never going to bring glory to ourselves. And if anyone be glorified, it should be Him.

Not to us, dear God, but to You be the glory. May our eyes always shift towards You. May we learn to love who You love. May we commit to faithfully obeying You. Humble our hearts, break us if You have to. Use us as a vessel, Lord, that Your majesty may shine through us. In Christ's name, Amen.