That Vicious Cycle Of

Then Jehoahaz sought the favor of the Lord, and the Lord listened to him, for he saw the oppression of Israel, how the king of Syria oppressed them. (Therefore the Lord gave Israel a savior, so that they escaped from the hand of the Syrians, and the people of Israel lived in their homes as formerly. Neverthelss, they did not depart from the sins of the house of Jeroboam, which he made Israel to sin, but walked in them;) - 2 Kings 13: 4-6

It's been a while.

A lot has happened in my life - some ups and some downs. But mostly... Mostly, I've had a lot of plateaus. Just plateaus or things that I consider to be a part of my life, something that happened but hasn't really left a mark. I don't know, maybe I'm just looking for trouble again; something, anything to make my life interesting again. And it wasn't until now (and this isn't just a figure of speech; I mean it literally) that I figured that the reason why I'm probably so mleh about everything is because I haven't been delighting in God.

I wasn't seeking Him, I barely talked to Him, and yet somehow - I'm continually blessed. I've been so out of touch that I know I probably missed out on a lot from what He really wants to tell me. And the thing is, this discontentment has been mutating, and brewing into something nasty. I've been judgmental (and boy was I judgmental - just the commute home!), I've been envious, and secretly irritable at people who have done nothing wrong against me. 

When I was younger, I used to believe that whenever I was misbehaving or doing something wrong that the enemy possess me - that I had no control over my actions. Having grown up and knowing better, after acknowledging the fact that I misbehave because I chose to misbehave, now I'm just crippled by guilt. I have free will, I knew what I was doing. I just had to man up and be responsible for it. So I try to change - whatever it is that I had done wrong, and try harder to love God with my entire being, and love my neighbor as myself. Until something else happens that places me in a stagnant status with my relationship with God. Simply put, "until I mess up again".

This shouldn't be the case. But let's be honest, the opposite of it hardly happens consistently or even at all. Israel (or God's chosen nation) wasn't fairing any better. At a time when most of their kings reigned for an average of 10 years, and they had to seek God's favor after failing miserably. 

We fail, we ask for forgiveness, and we start the cycle of doing what we're told not to. It's a vicious cycle and it's easy to say that people aren't as sharp as we give them credit for. It's easy to bully the Israelites - how they basically never appreciated anything. But we have to stop and consider that we are just like them. We mess up - oftentimes in more massive ways that the Israelites ever did. Yet God still loves and forgives us in the most beautiful way. 

A lot of the times, I forget about grace. To be more specific, I forget about how grace works. 

But regardless of how many times we mess things up one thing's for certain: It is grace that saves - not by anything else. Our commitment lies in messing up less and less - until our faults have been dealt with - and in ensuring that we back up our words with our actions. 

Obeying God is one of the wonderful ways we can show our love and faith in Him.