Day 26: The Difficulty in Forgiveness and the Gratitude for His Word

“Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.” – 1 Corinthians 13:5-6

I think that it’s getting to the point that God is really taking every chance to remind me that I should forgive. I know that I haven’t completely been able to, but I had thought that I was doing so, at least, each day I thought I was getting closer to doing so. I guess God thinks I’ve been stagnant about it? Or worse, He thinks I’ve slick back. And I already know it’s hard – it seems impossible even. I know it’s no walk in the park, but then again, I wasn’t really expecting myself to forgive right away.

I don’t think God’s pressuring me to forgive right away, but I know that it would please Him if I would be able to do so as soon as possible. And right now, I don’t know if I can. I know that God can, I know that He can and will give me all the strength, wisdom, and healing that I need in order to let go and finally be ok with everything.

“Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you therefore to reaffirm your love for him.” – 2 Corinthians 2:7-8

                Reaffirm your love for him? But Lord, I’m trying my hardest not to love him so much. I know that I have to; eventually I know that I’m going to have to be ok with him again, to be friends with him, and to love him as a brother in Christ. I suppose, to this Christian right here, it feels a lot. And right now, it’s a lot of head knowledge a lot less of practically application. It’s overwhelming, the list of things I need to do. If there was a switch that I could use to turn off all the feelings that I have for him, for the situation, I would have it installed in my system immediately. Sadly, there’s none – and hardly any real and difficult things come immediately.

                I suppose right now, I’m just a little bit confused. I know that I have, I need to forgive. And I know that I’m going to have to do it as soon as possible. I just don’t know if I can do it with the immediacy with the Bible requires; with the immediacy and sincerity that God wants.

                Should I rush myself or shouldn’t I?

                What happened to slow and steady wins the race anyway?

Dear Lord, it’s not that I’m complaining. I really am thankful for the way that You are speaking to me now. I really do appreciate You taking the time to communicate Your will to me. And not just thankful Lord, as in, nakakakilig when You speak to me. But I guess it's just never easy to swallow a bitter pill - especially one as big as this. Though I know, that You will prepare me - are already preparing me - to make that decision. I know Lord, that You will not let me do this alone, You will not let me go through this alone. I have You, and that should be enough. Lord, please help me to trust in You completely, fully. I know that You only want what's best for me. Help me let go, help me surrender everything to You - no questions asked. May You just be forever glorified God. In Your name, Amen.