Acceptance

Seems simple enough right?

Acceptance. An act of letting go and just seeing things as they are and working with what you have. Something that would help you, or rather something that would enable you to start moving forward. I feel like I'm stuck. Each time I try to move a step forward, something pulls me 10 yards back. The sad thing is, I almost always let myself get pulled back. 

And you know, I might just have to reach that point of realization that I'm being stupid and pathetic. 

But at the same time, I don't want to force myself to get better. One day, I want to be able to say that I'm fine. But I know I won't be able to say that in a month or two... or five. If it's going to take me a year, fine. But I'm really getting tired of feeling like this, like I'm worthless, like I need someone to make me feel better when the only One who can do that had already accepted and loved me even before my parents thought of conceiving me.

Acceptance. How do you accept something that causes you so much pain, when all you really want to do is make the hurt stop or undo what you've already done. How do you stop thinking about it? People have been telling me to be strong about it, to face it head on, to just let it go. It's hard though. Like seriously - telling yourself that it doesn't matter if he texts or not, whether he calls or not. It takes serious will power to overcome that and believe that no matter what happens, you will be fine. And the fear is, what if you won't be? What if I won't be, then what? I'm scared of having people ask me how I am and upon responding them with a sub par feeling of 'eh', they'd go: Pa rin? 

Seriously, how long does it have to take for a person to get over that kind of situation? There's no clear formula with how one's supposed to deal with this. If there was a manual on how to cope - an honest to goodness effective means of coping manual - I would have a copy of it, probably worn out from just the first use. 

It's terrible this situation. 

It's terrifying, this acceptance - or soon to come anyway.