Day 47: Thankful, All Things Considered

Remember how when you do things your way apart from God, they never work? First hand lesson right here. 

There were a lot of things that could have gone wrong yesterday, and some things that did go wrong. I mean, I'm still pretty much beating myself up for it because it really was just inexcusable and so immature. I mean come on, breaking down right before we were about to lead worship? Who does that? And it's not like anyone did anything to me, I suppose at that time, I just reached the boiling point. With everything that was happening, with everything that I was feeling for the week - I know that it wasn't the right time, but I realize that it was bound to happen anyway. 

I'm just, disappointed in myself I guess, and feeling terribly sorry for the people who had to see me in that state - which is, everyone I guess. And here's the thing, I would just really like to clear it up, I didn't go onstage to show the world that I had been crying and that I'm broken. On the contrary, I went up because I knew that whatever was the cause of the breakdown was coming from Satan and not from God. Feeling rejected, feeling insignificant - those are not from God. I went up because I was reminded of  and believe in God's love for me, and that I had to fight those feelings, those lies from the enemy. I went up because God is the only who's keeping me together.

So I apologize to anyone who have been bothered by my state yesterday, granted, I should have washed my face first or something. Again, I apologize for that.

I am thankful though that despite this, God has been glorified last night. A lot of things could have gone wrong last night - last minute changes in the line up an all - but I believe that God was still worshiped last night and that was what matters. I'm thankful that after that 'episode' everything just sort of went up from there. It was a good time of worship, and it was a good time of fellowship after with the band. I just. My love for Band 3 is... I don't even have the words for it. I thank God now for placing me in this band a year ago, I thank God for the people who are a part of this band, how we help each other, and how we are accountable to each other. Thank you for Angel and Janny who led worship with us, also, I now know more about the two of you thanks to the game that we played last night. :))

Thank You, truly, Lord. I hope that somehow, in my brokenness, Your light was able to shine.