David's Prayer

"For the sake of your word and according to your will, you have done this great thing and made it known to your servant." 2 Samuel 7:21

Right now, I wish I had David's attitude with regards to God's will. I know I should be grateful that I know what He wants me to do. But it's just that right now, the pain of having to deny myself overrides that. And ok, I get that that was pretty selfish of me, but my heart is breaking and I don't know what to do. I know that He's sovereign, and I know that He just wants the best for me and there's hope in that. It's just that right now, I want this horrible horrible feeling to go away. 

I think my heart has been spoiled rotten, up until this point, it has been getting what it wants. 

Lord, I really don't want to be ungrateful. But I'm still just learning to depend on You, and to draw my strength from You. Right now, I'm just feeling hurt - and I think it's the worst kind of hurt because it's abstract. At least if it's physical, it stops after a while - and there's a scientific estimate of when it stops hurting. But the pain you feel inside, like your guts have been taken out or like there's a space where heart should be - and yes, I cringed when I typed that. I am ranting, and if I may add, rather incoherently. But if I don't, everything would all just be bottled up inside of me, and no good could come out of that. So I am ranting. Although come to think of it, I have exceeded my expectations of it - at first I thought all I could type was pain, pain, pain, pain. Probably fill up an entire page of just those 4 letters. But I digress. Lord, please just comfort me - comfort us both. We both made the difficult decision to obey you, and to be honest Lord, I am close to regretting that I did. I know You want me to focus on You, and I know that You just want to reveal Yourself to me Lord - I suppose this is the answer I'm getting from You when I asked that I want to know You more. And how could I if I have one mega distraction? But please Lord, please also know that I am sincerely hoping for another chance - a chance to do things right. Please Lord. 

In Your Name,

Amen.