Something About Grattitude

Just a thought. It's really easy to be grateful when things are going so well. But often, we fail to be so when we're in a bad mood, or when nothing is going our way. 

Human nature. 

Quite fickle, isn't it?

Day 60: Bittersweet Grattitude

Today, my parents and I went to the Chinese Cemetery in Manila. 

gate entrance of the cemetery

I actually wasn't too psyched about it - well, I've actually never been to psyched about visiting the dead. Especially dead people whom I've never met when they were alive. I don't really know if this would make me insensitive, but the mausoleums that we went to were the ones of my mom's grandparents; and to be honest, I think not one cousin from my mom's side of the family have ever met tai gua-ma and tai gua-kong. I appreciate my mom's effort of making them known to us though. It was great hearing stories from her childhood. How in some bizarre way, the cemetery became their playground when they were young. I mean, I know of memorial parks that look friendly and really do look like your average parks. But this cemetery is all hard, dirty, and cold cement.

I don't know how they looked like during my mom's childhood, but this is how they look like now. In each street, there are rows of mausoleums about the size of a small studio apartment that house the remains of each families' loved ones. Historically, it's so interesting for me. It makes me wonder where the early Chinese got the idea that dead people need houses too. It's fascinating, this thing of learning about my culture as a Filipino-Chinese. And I know that I am rooted enough in my faith that I'm certain that the information I will be getting, traditions and culture that will be explained to me will remain just as that - information. 

Oh, I forgot to mention that we also visited this little tomb that belongs to my older sister (I'm not really clear if my mom had a miscarriage or if my ate was a premature baby: my parents never really discussed it with me and I never prodded for answers). So while I'm grateful for God's grace and His Son's redemptive act, it becomes a little bittersweet for me because these family members that we just visited today died without having been saved. I mean, as far as assumptions go with regards to my great grandparents anyway. It is highly likely though that they never got to surrender their lives to God, accept Christ as their Savior. 

It doesn't sadden me because I won't see them in heaven. As far as I'm concerned, they are related to me by blood but not by "relationship". The thing that's saddening is the fact that they didn't get a chance to experience God in their lives while they were alive; that until the very end, they were the masters of their own fate and did turn the reigns over to God. 

Everyone deserves the opportunity to know God. As Christians, this should make us more aware of the importance of reaching out to people who've not heard of the Gospel. And speaking of unreached people, I saw this segment on ABS-CBN about suicides; the people who committed suicide, their families, and how their suicides affected their families. The second segment was about this tribal elder in Palawan whose children all committed suicide. The thing that was surprising though was that it didn't even bother him. He explained that taking one's own life was simply a means of ending life - a quickie solution to end pain and suffering. Almost as though suicides are as common as taking painkillers for a headache. They also think that committing suicide is not a big deal because some people are built to be stronger. They also have no concept of the afterlife, heaven, or hell. When life ends, it ends. That is their belief.

And all of a sudden, it's like I had this burden or longing for someone, anyone, to reach out to them - to tell them of God's goodness, to explain to them that ending your life should be a big deal. Even if they say that the Philippines is the only Christian country in Asia, there are still so many people that need to know God. I mean, they shouldn't be ignored just because they're a minority. Everyone needs God in their lives, even if they don't know of Him yet.

He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”  -- Acts 1:7-8

We're all called to reach out and be involved in missions, we are required to be God's witnesses wherever we go.

**images are from google, none of those photos are mine.

No One Is Exempt

Paul, I think, is the best example that everyone is called to evangelize and missions.

"Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name." -- Acts 9:15-16

To those reading this and have absolutely no background of who Paul is, for starters, he wasn't always called Paul. He was first, Saul - someone who knew the Mosaic Law by heart and persecuted Christians because he believed that they were going against God's commands. He was, initially, someone who didn't believe in Jesus as the Christ. With misguided intentions and misinformation, he became one of the most determined Christian persecutors in early Christian history.

The thing about Saul, eventually called Paul, is was that he was chosen by God. Despite the things that he has done, God still chose to use him for the furtherance of His kingdom. And if God can turn a persecutor/murderer into one of the most passionate and God-filled apostles, surely he can use us.

Here's the picture, I personally, have always been under the assumption that evangelism and missions are a special vocation; that only certain people are called to it. For the longest time, I've been really iffy about it. I was cool with serving God, but on my own terms. Shameful, I know. But we all go through this. We say that we commit our lives to God, and yet at the slightest call to do something out of comfort zone, we shrink back and politely decline. 

Is it safe to say that whenever we refuse to pay attention to the way that God calls us to do His work - no matter how uncomfortable it may be - that we haven't really surrendered all to Him?

I'm not trying to sound preachy about this, believe me that is the last thing I want to do. Besides, I am also very much guilty of this. For as far as I can remember, I have steered away from missions because I was afraid that God was going to put me in another place. Until recently, I hardly involved myself with missions at all. But I think now, God is directing me towards a path that I once thought that I would never take. 

We are all called to missions, and if we want to glorify God more, bringing more people to Him to be saved is the best way to go. Thankfully, I realized this during the prayer retreat almost a week ago. I believe God spoke to me very clearly that time - no doubt about it, He was telling me to get off my butt and start working for Him, to bring more people to Him. And though it's daunting for me, I just need to keep reminding myself that it should never be about me. It should, first and foremost, always be about Him.

We are called to know Christ and to make Him known.

Days 56-59

I had hoped to be productive this sembreak, but so far, I've mostly been just playing with our new golden retriever which we got the very first day that I was officially on break. I have been on a baking mood lately - I've been looking through some cupcake recipes online and have just been mustering the guts to start on it. Anyway, I'm blogging about the past few days that God has blessed me with.

Days 56-57

I, along with several other Youth Leaders from GCF, went on a prayer retreat over the weekend. I have to admit that my initial motives for wanting to go to this retreat was more for having fellowship with the other leaders than actually preparing for my encounter with God. I suppose, I just didn't expect a lot from it? It's not to say that I expected it to be terrible or horribly boring - which it neither was. I was, gratefully, proven wrong and was very much blessed by this retreat.

Admittedly, I have a poor prayer life - and I'm not just saying this. I feel bad that prayer to me, has become both an obligation and a list of things that I ask from God. This of course, is wrong. Prayer should never be about us, it should primarily be about God and glorifying His name. It's not new information. Given how I grew up in Sunday School and became very active in Church, it's something that I already know. But sometimes, head knowledge just stays precisely as that - head knowledge. We took note of the information and file it somewhere in our brains to take our for future reference, when it shouldn't be.

Glorifying God should be our topmost priority. It should be something that we constantly work for; that even when things get to be really difficult for us, we press on towards Jesus and to make His name known. Having already been saved, being secure in our redemption, we tend to be complacent and forget that we are all called to evangelize and reach out to billions of others all around the world. God is glorified when we pray for more people to be saved - prayer then, is evangelical in nature.

For this retreat, we also spent 13 hours in silence and just spent the time talking and listening to God. It was a first for me. I don't think I've ever stayed quiet for that long. It wasn't too difficult to do since it was during the night, and most of it was spend sleeping. But it was refreshing I guess, when you just immerse yourself in God's word, stay still, and let Him speak to you. It was really overwhelming for me that I ended up crying (which was a first; I don't think I've ever been driven to tears when I do my devotions). 

For the longest time, I've been avoiding missions and evangelism, because I was more afraid for myself than I was concerned to glorify Him.Now though, I know that I should be getting involved myself in missions and evangelism - they are after all, commanded by God. I know that it'll be tough, that there are those who would be resistant and would flat out refuse to listen, but I will do it for my God.

Day 58

Yesterday, my family and I went to the cemetery to visit my grandparents' (on both sides) and my great grandparents' graves. It was a little different this year since it was just us. Normally, we'd be having like mini reunions with my mom's side of the family when we visit our dead relatives. This year though, some of my mom's sisters already went a few weeks before us and I couldn't help but feel dismayed about not being able to see my aunts and my cousins. 

But despite that, it was still a blessing. I was able to learn more about my dad's side of the family while we were at the cemetery - years before I was even born. I learned about my gua-ma (my mom's mom) and how she was so excited about my birth that despite my being in the ICU (I don't exactly know why I was there), she had my ears pierced right away and how I was the last grandchild that she saw before she passed 11 months later. 

On my dad's side of the family, I've always been jealous of how my older cousins are so close. I've been jealous of the fact that all the cousins would have sleepovers at the ancestral home, playing and wreaking havoc. I've also been jealous of the fact that I my aunts and uncles would pick my brothers up from school when they were younger. Being the youngest, I never got to experience any of those since my cousins were already older when I was born (FYI, I am the second to the last youngest cousin in our family). But even if I was sobrang naiinggit, I was just grateful that I got to hear those stories from my family.

Praise God for family time :)

Day 59

Today, I found out that Kim Kardashian is getting divorced after getting married a little over two months ago. I wasn't surprised when the news hit. I actually don't know how to react to it. I suppose I'm just sad with the way that people have little regard to the sanctity of marriage now. It's as if the words 'til death do us part mean nothing. It probably doesn't anyway. I feel as though people go through the actions of having a wedding without understanding the implications of the vows that they've exchanged with each other and in front of their friends and family.

It's like they're not even trying to make the marriage work and at the earliest signs of struggle, they give up. I don't really understand what is happening to the culture in so many countries now or what goes through the people who want to be separated from their spouses. How hard is to understand that making a commitment means that there's no backing out, that you're in that relationship for life. Unless your life is in danger, there is absolutely no reason for you to get out of your marriage. 

You have troubles? Well tough, getting married did not exempt you from the problems of the world. That doesn't mean that you leave your partner behind. You stopped loving your partner? Well, marriage is not a feeling - it's a commitment. Besides, you don't leave just because of that. You find a way to woo your spouse and fall in love with them all over again. Do not be lazy when it comes to your marriage. 

This whole thing just made me grateful that after some 30+ years of marriage, my parents are still together and in love like nobody's business. They may not be affectionate or showy like the other couples out there, but I know that they deeply love and care for each other. I am grateful that they have a great marriage, and one day, I hope to have one just like theirs. 

It's frustrating, this news. But while there are couples out there who are getting divorced, they still exists couples who actually grew old together. I believe that God has provided for us someone who will complement our person - and someone who will be able to glorify God with. It's not the end of the world.

There is hope for love.

Taking a Break

from Tumblr.

Of course, I don't know how long I'll last without going through my dashboard but I think it's needed. Maybe I'm overreacting, I don't know. But I just spend way too much time there - way too much time online actually - and I feel like it's eating my life away. I could do so much more if I'm not on it all the time. Plus, I'm becoming a war freak, and that's always going to end bad. 

And to think Pastor BJ just told us the one and only situation that we're allowed to get mad. 

I just don't get it, I guess. When did saying the truth - that if majority of the people in the world engaged in same sex relationships, human population will decline - merit being called a homophobe? I guess, I just don't understand what they're fighting for. Humans are humans, that's basically it right? You have your human rights and your civil rights - regardless of sexual orientation. Deal with it. But I'm not condoning homophobia or bullying or abuse towards homosexuals. 

So I'll take a break from all of that. Spend some more time with God and on self-reflection, and to steer away from anything that would potentially cause me to get mad again.

Day 54-55: Realizations, Affirmations

I have been MIA for the longest time. I blogged thrice for the whole of September - which is really sad, come to think of it. But God has been awesome, without a doubt. I may not write about it everyday, but He makes me feel His love and His presence each day. He has continually sustained me and kept me alive for the weeks that lead to Finals week, and I'm grateful for that. :) So onto the point of this post: 100 days of God's goodness :)

Day 54: Affirmation

You know how sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just sort of end up thinking about what you're not supposed to think about? Well, my memories have been whooping my butt and it's quite common for me to end up thinking about him - the could have, might have, should haves of it all. You know how it is, when all of a sudden, you just sort of start thinking and asking yourself: Would I have been happier if I didn't end things? 

So, I decided to do my devos after. I was a day late with the reading assignment for Bible 365, so instead of reading Luke 3-6, I was reading Luke 1-2. God used this verse to affirm me that yes, having separate lives is better for the both of us.

"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?" -- Luke 1:34

I don't think I've shared this here before. But months ago, when Strong and I were still together and hanging out at MOA during a ridiculously long break, he asked me something that is - come to think of it - ridiculous. At that time, this was what he asked me: "Mahal, pano kung mabuntis kita?" (Love, what if I get you pregnant?). Blinded by love at that time, all I ended up saying was, "Edi panagutan mo." (Then take responsibility for it.)

Come to think of it, Mary getting pregnant at that time - out of wedlock and not by her husband - was setting herself up to be the target of people's judgments. Besides this, I'm not entirely sure, but weren't women killed at that time for committing "adultery"? She took a huge leap of faith. She knew that she was simply a vessel, an instrument, and that she was part of something greater. So despite the judgmental looks she was bound to get from people everywhere she goes, she took it because she knew that it was for the greater good and because it was God's will.

Now, contrast that with a "could have been" of my situation. Fortunately, I was able to tell him what I should have told him months ago when he asked me that. When we had counseling 2 months ago, I brought that up and told him that the fact that he even asked me that question just goes to show how much he doesn't know me. I asked him if he seriously thought that I would be the type of girl to let herself get pregnant out of wedlock. 

I can't even begin to imagine the cost of having a child at this day, at my age, and without a job. I know that some people are in this situation - balancing work and studies at the same time, and somehow managed to ask their parents for support and that's great. But call it pride, but I really wouldn't want to ask my parents for support for something that I should be responsible for. If I'm going to raise a kid, I want to do it right. I want to be able to raise him or her in a family filled with love, and a family that is dependent on God - not a family that is kept whole by a sense of obligation instead of volition. It would probably kill me if one day my kid comes up to me and asks if his or her dad only stayed because I got knocked up. 

I don't want my kid to ever think that, or to think that he's a burden. He is a gift, and that's how he should be treated. 

I want kids,  4 at most. But if I were to have them at this point in my life with someone who is still unsure of where he wants to be 5 years from now, and someone who will undoubtedly have a difficult time supporting a family, I might as well just give my kid up for adoption, even if it'll kill me.

So thank You, Lord once again for affirming a God-based decision. 

Day 55: Realization

So I caught up with the readings for Bible 365 just now. And seeing as Luke is part of the Gospels, it records Jesus' life and ministry. Which means, for the most part of the reading assignment, it was mostly about Christ performing miracles. If He's not healing the sick, He's casting demons out of the possessed, or He's raising people back to life. And in all of these, not once did He ask the people to DO anything for Him - so that He could heal them, raise them back to life, or exorcise them. All he asked and required of was faith. That's what's most important to Him. 

Isn't that how salvation works?

We are saved because we believe in Him, not because of our deeds or our words. We are saved by faith. For us Christians, it means so much more because it just goes to show God's grace. He is gifting us with salvation, He doesn't want works to earn that salvation - he's giving it freely. But, it's just up to us to believe. I guess it's just a matter of asking yourself the question, in the same way that Jesus asked the Pharisess: Which is easier to say; your sins are forgiven or get up and walk? No doubt He can do both - He is, after all, God. But He's not looking for an external change, but rather, something that is internal.

Belief. 

One word that is sure to test us, test whether or not we have a true relationship with God.

Things I do at 12 in the morning

It should be school work. But I'm taking a break from that first. 

I know I haven't blogged in a while. But, sorry to disappoint, but no deep and reflective thoughts for tonight. Tonight, I bringeth GPOY :D Otherwise known as gratuitous picture of yourself. Or. Vanity. :))

wishing my hair would always be that cooperative

(yes, it has bad lighting and is a low quality picture) 

So I was checking if the dress that I bought a month ago for my cousin's wedding (which is this Sunday already) still fits and if it goes well with the shoes I bought two weeks ago :)

here be the dresseth

and here be the shoes :)

That is all. :D Now, back to trolling working :D