Set Apart But United

For the past few of weeks, a local and historical movie based on the life of Antonio Luna has been generating plenty of buzz. Why shouldn’t it? It’s masterfully done; with perhaps the most gratuitous aspect of it would be the graphic battle scenes. But to the people who appreciate history, the movie more than satisfies. One scene in particular stuck a chord. (I suppose this is the part where one says spoiler alert?) It was a cabinet meeting, and Luna – who felt as though he has reached his daily limit of absurdity – spoke up about the people’s sense of nationality and in essence, their unity as the nation’s leaders.

He erupts, “Negosyo o kalayaan? Bayan o sarili?” and in that moment one realizes that the struggle to be united in achieving one goal is still something that our country experiences. Thus begs the question: Do we sometimes find our Church to be in a similar situation? Do we sometimes find ourselves to be disagreeing more than agreeing with regards to certain topics or issues surrounding our Church, even if it’s to say that everyone has good intentions just different ways of going about it?

Ephesians speaks about God’s redemptive love and how it is inclusive of both Gentiles and Jews; and Ephesians 4 specifically speaks about unity in the body of Christ. In a world that often tells us to stand out, to be unique, and to be opinionated, how do we live above the pressures of the world and in the way that is appropriate for a child of God?

I.  THE URGE TO BECOME WORTHY OF THEIR CALLING

Paul explains it well in chapter 4. He begins in verse one by urging the Ephesian Christians to be worthy of their calling. He believed that God set a standard for each Christian to behave or conduct themselves in a certain manner. Paul is basically asking us to live and act in the way that will bring glory to God. In his book Live Life On Purpose, Claude Hickman emphasizes how much importance God places in His name. He further explains it by comparing it to being a simple brand ambassador. Brands will only sponsor athletes or celebrities who are at the peak of their fame, because they want consumers to be invested in their brands. While this may be an oversimplification of how evangelism works, there are similarities. God holds His name at such a high esteem that He would naturally want us – His ambassadors, witnesses, and children – to represent Him well.

How do you represent God? When you go to school, do your classmates think that there’s something different about you compared to how they live their lives? If you’re working, do you join in idle gossip instead of respecting the other person that is just as important to God? How do we, as God’s children, show that He is a God that is worthy of being glorified?

In verse two of chapter four, Paul now gives us the pointers on how to be worthy of our calling. He listed down characteristics that are worthy of our calling. He called us to be humble, be gentle, be patient with one another, and bear with one another in love. Of course this might just be a more detailed or specific of Christ’s command in Matthew 22: 37-39, particularly 39 as it pertains to a person’s relationship with other people. These are teachings that we’ve known since we were in Sunday School. We know what it means to be humble, gentle, patient, and loving towards each other, but how often do we emulate these characteristics?

Going back to Heneral Luna, how many of our country’s leaders at that time showed humility, gentleness, patience, and love? How many of them came to the meeting with their own agenda, or something personal which they wanted to protect? The movie line that I mentioned earlier summarizes perfectly our dilemma when we don’t have the characteristics that show that we are set apart by God. Paul’s guidelines on how to live according to God’s standards are basically a set of “how to” tips in relating to other people better. When we stop thinking that our opinion is the only one that matters – and by extension, that we are the only ones that matter – and start regarding others to be just as important as ourselves, that maybe a small step towards unity.

In verse 3, Paul speaks about the unity that is worthy of their calling and the attitude that we should have in maintaining it. He qualifies the kind of unity that he mentions – the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Why does Paul have to qualify what kind of unity it is, and why does he say that we have to maintain it? To the first question, it is because peace is a bond that unites all believers. It’s not something that we create or dependent on us. It is a peace that is solely dependent on the Holy Spirit, one that was given to us. To the second question, since it is only given to us our responsibility is making sure that it is upheld.

Paul touches on this back in chapter 2 of Ephesians, particularly in verses 11 to 22. The reason why Jews and Gentiles are united is because of the redemptive act that God the Father did through Christ. He says in Ephesians 2 verse 13, “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.” Here, he is referring to the way that Jews and Gentiles worship, wherein the temple courts were still divided according to social status. It was a time when the ceremonially unclean were in the outer courts while the Jews and the priests were in the inner courts. But Paul says that that doesn’t matter anymore – that the race of the people worshipping God isn’t of importance because they all have a new race in Christ.

In a way, it reminds me of how our history as a nation came to be. Before any of the powerful countries back in the 1500s decided that it was the best time to explore the world and land on our shores, we were quite literally tribes of people who only cared about the people in their own tribes. But having been formed as a country and nation taught us – rather, is still teaching us – that some things are more important than our personal interests or preferences.

II.  THE FOUNDATION OF THEIR CALLING

In order to maintain in the unity the Spirit provided, Paul gives the foundation of the Ephesian believers’ calling. He believed that believers have the responsibility to keep unity in the body of Christ. In verse 4, Paul mentions that the basis for their unity in the body and in the spirit is rooted in the hope that belongs to their call. This is the hope that Christians will one day be with God forever. Simply being united shouldn’t be the end goal, rather it needs the further qualification that we know why we need to be united and what should keep us united. Paul reminds us that there’s a reason why we need to stick together and what it is that we can look forward to in the future.  

Think of it this way: recall news events when there are rallies for one cause or another and when a reporter asks one of the people around why they’re there, they wouldn’t be able to give a straight answer. What answer do you give when people notice that there’s something different about you? I remember a time when I was going through a rough patch at work, and every fiber in me wanted to leave. I shared to my workmates about how God had wanted me to remain still, despite my own reservations. My friend asked me how it is that I was so sure that God was speaking. Very simply, I said that it’s because I have faith and that His Word spoke to me. It was a year later that God gave me the opportunity to share the Gospel to her. I hope that when we are asked why we are hopeful, or why we are able to be gracious with each other, we would be able to point it back to the source and reason behind everything – that is our faith in our God.

Verse 5 further enumerates that hope isn’t the only thing that belongs with our call. He includes the very foundation and manifestation of our faith – that we have one Lord, one faith, and one baptism. It begins with knowing and accepting our Lord, building our faith, and manifesting it through baptism. It is through baptism that we further realize what being united truly means. While it is a declaration, an act that shows that we believe Jesus is our Lord and Savior, it is also being incorporated into One Body – that is the Church, as seen in 1 Corinthians 12 verse 13.

What does this mean for us? Perhaps these facts have been ingrained in us since we were children in Sunday school or that we’ve been oversaturated with the “Bible Thing” that we go through the motions of serving God with fellow worshippers that it ends up being a routine. It is always good to go back to our roots – the who (Christ) and the what (baptism) of our faith.

III.  THE ONE POWER BEHIND OUR CALLING

                Lastly, Paul gives us the one power behind our calling. He reminds us that God’s oneness defines the Church’s oneness. Verses 4-6 subtly illustrates the oneness of God. Verse 4 spoke about having One Spirit, and verses 5 and 6 speak about Christ and God the Father respectively. These verses defines the unity of the Trinity. Each person of the trinity had a part to play in reminding or empowering us to remain united, and it is through God’s oneness that the Church models what it is to be one as well.

                We know that verse 6 reminds us of the indisputability of God – He is over all, through all, and in all. He is a God who is ever present, boundless by time, and sovereign over all. We can find a clearer picture of this in Psalm 139 verses 7 to 12. The Psalmist says,

⁷Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

⁸If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed Sheol, you are there!

[…] ¹² even the darkness is not dark to you;

The night is bright as the day,

For darkness is as light with you.

His presence is more than enough to saturate us. Imagine being wrapped in the coziest blanket that you own during a rainy day. We’ve all probably had that experience in one way or another, and we all know how difficult that made it for us to get out of bed. This is how we should view God’s presence in our lives. The knowledge that He lives among us and that His Spirit is with us shouldn’t be thought of with disdain. His presence should excite us and comfort us. We should always be reluctant to move away or stray from His presence. Remember: It is because of His nature and His desire to commune with Him that He has called us, together, for His purpose. He has called us for Him, the only One who can, that we may belong to Him and be a part of His kingdom.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

                Antonio Luna isn’t known for his patience. His contemporaries would rather vilify him for the very things that made him a good strategic general. He wasn’t the most compassionate person in the room (neither was he likely to extend grace to those who’ve slighted him). It is not the intention of this sermon to paint him as a saint. However, for all his faults, Luna got one thing right: That the unity of a nation towards one goal is far more important than the wants of an individual.

                In the movie, Antonio Luna says to his apprentice, “Malaking trabaho ang ipagkaisa ang isang bansang watak-watak.” It’s not easy uniting people into doing something they don’t think is important. Unity is never going to be about blindly doing the same thing as everyone else without knowing the reason. Unity is realizing that we are all called to one purpose, called to one God, and called to be a part of one Church.

                Each day we live at a crossroad – do we do what we want or do we do what is right (and by extension, right by God?) Do we choose to live for ourselves at the cost of discord, or do we die to ourselves for the sake of unity? When conflicts arise, do we let it settle and fester instead of addressing it by rebuking each other in love? Unity is fragile if it is dependent on the sentiments of people, but it is empowering when we remember the ultimate source of this unity and peace. Be encouraged in the knowledge that our God is not only the root of that unity, but the model as well. He is a united God that united us all under the cross.  

Firstfruits

"Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine." -- Proverbs 3:9-10

Being a grown up and earning money. First payday!

Today, I got my very first salary. It has been quite the momentous event and have in fact, reached quite a milestone. And there really isn't much that I can do except praise God for his faithfulness. I mean, I wouldn't even have a salary if it wasn't for Him placing me in this school. I assure you, the unsettling feeling hasn't completely left me yet, but the "veterans" have not lacked in helping us newbies feel welcomed and settled in. God has done SO much in my life already in just the past week. My only response, truly, is gratitude.

I always intended to give my firstfruit to my parents - they are after all, the ones who have gone through my troubles with me and I'm certain that it wasn't easy for them to work for more than half their lives just to have the last of the bunch (me) finally finish college. Add to that the fact that the college that I ended up choosing isn't particularly cheap. I tried to help. I thought that if I maybe tried my hardest, then my academic performance would qualify me to become a merit scholar and therefore allow my parents to keep some of the money that they were about to continue investing in mine. Tuition wasn't - isn't - cheap and having sent 3 kids in private schools have taken a lot from them.

I don't want to say that I owe them - because I don't want to imply that my parents did what they did just because they were legally obligated to do so. Instead, I am immensely grateful to them. I know. We've had a lot of ups and downs, and half the time we're not communicating. But please, I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate everything that you've done for me. Sobra-sobra na nga eh. (Dear parents, the reason why I insist on being independent is because I don't want to burden you anymore.) 

To me, giving them my first salary doesn't even come close to all of the things that they've done for me - whether I wanted them to do it or not. 

I appreciate and I love you both, and I only pray that my work doesn't just bring me joy but that it could be something that you might actually be proud of. I know that my salary deserves to go to God as well, but I figured, God has ministered to me a lot through my parents. I know that there's no substitute to personally giving it to Him. I may be giving the money to my parents, but to You, O God, do I offer up my efforts. I pray that this offering my be pleasing in Your eyes and that You may be glorified.

And I thank You everyday.

21 and Still Growing

Actually, I've been an adult for almost 4 years now. But it was only this week that I truly felt like a "grown up".

After Youth L.I.V.E.'s annual Youth Camp the past week, I reported for work the morning after. It doesn't matter that I didn't get a decent amount of sleep. I'm an "adult" now and when your bosses tell you to come in for work, you do it. The experience was - sometimes is - daunting. It wasn't about the work environment at all (after all, most of the faculty members graduated from UA&P). I suppose, it really was the implication of actually being accountable for my future shortcomings and especially being responsible for my future students.

Change isn't only difficult; it's terrifying.

The morning of my first day, my dad actually talks to me about insurance and how he talked to my brother about it. I felt my head nodding but my mind already got lost the moment he mentioned the word "insurance". I never really understood the concept - especially how it's supposed to help you as you get older. Then there's tax payments, and SSS pins and all these other government related things I just have no clue about. I just felt a general lack of preparedness on my part. As though I'm uncertain of whether or not I'm supposed to be growing up.

But I think God has been consistently reassuring me that yes, I do have to grow up and move on with my life and that it's not like I'll be left all alone. I have people I know and trust in my workplace, and I think God spoke through my mom as to why He placed me there specifically.

(I think this is something I have to keep telling myself so that I could get used to it.)

I suppose it's more than a little bizarre that a year ago I was a camper and an incoming 4th year university student and now I just finished helping out at our camp as a buzz group leader/team counselor/worship team member and about a month away from my own graduation. Seriously. Where did the time go? And why is it in such a rush to fly by?

There are so many things that have been happening lately that I'm not too sure my head's caught up with what's been going on in my life.

Adulthood's more than a little frightening - and I'm not too sure how everyone else has done it. I'll be turning 22 a few days short of a couple of months - but that brings me no comfort at all. All I'm really doing now is trusting that God will show me how to go about being a light to the place he specifically chose for me to be in. I can't even really distinguish between excited and terrified anymore.

I just. I need to take it a day at a time. I know God will lead me where He wants me to be. Ang dami kong arte. This is mostly attributed to a new environment and a new chapter in my life. I know this will get better and I'll get used to it. I'm just overwhelmed. But this will pass.

Okay. Stay calm. Pray. Take it a day at a time. 

Are we good?

Good.

Next major life event - June 1 graduation. Here, you get a selfie:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

-- Philippians 4:13

EDIT: On the flipside though, I will be discipling 3 girls starting June. And that's scary and such a blessing at the same time. GAH. Lord. Let Your wisdom be upon me as I mentor and help shape these girls into the daughters that You want them to be.

Amazing Love

"But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed [...] He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth." - Isaiah 53: 5,7

This passage. Natulala kami pareho ni Ate Rhods. 

Lord, I don't know if the time will come when I will be able to comprehend the tremendous love that You have for me. It amazes and terrifies me that a perfect God would sacrifice Himself on the cross for a broken person such as myself. It's such a crazy love, Lord, and I don't even know if I'll ever understand how You thought I was worth dying on the cross for. But You did. And there's nothing I can do to ever make myself deserving of Your love, it's not something that I can work for. You've done all the work. And all I want is to know You more, to bend my will to Yours. It suddenly gets harder to breathe when I realize how much You love me (and I know how that sounds like such a corny line from a movie), but I suppose that's how a person feels when they fall in love? 

I cannot even fathom how You  managed to show so much strength in Your silence while You were on that cross. I can't even imagine how much it must have pained the Father to see His Son dying on the cross, knowing He's not supposed to do anything about it for the sake of saving a people who don't even understand why there is a need for salvation. And the craziest thing is, I know You'll do it all over again if You were asked. There are so many things I want to ask You, and I don't even know why I'm having such a hard time accepting that You thought I deserve Your love. I wonder, if your answer to my question is it's because You love me, am I going to want more questions answered? Am I going to be satisfied with that? (Is it really hard for my mind to wrap around the fact that You love me?)

Hay Lord. Ang tagal na nating magkasama. But it's like I'm a new Christian that's just gotten to know You and what You've done. And it just took my breath away. There's a new found wonder for everything that You are. (And maybe, that's not such a bad thing?)

You leave me speechless.

You take my breath away.

Loving the Miserable

I wasn't always the musical junkie. In fact, I can hardly say that I am. Thoroughly Modern Millie was the only Broadway show that I had seen live; RENT the only other musical that I obsessed about.

And now, I think I find myself in love with this musical called Les Miserables.

I think part of the reason why I love it so much (apart from the heartbreaking music) is that, as much as it is a story about falling in love and dying for democracy, it is also a story about grace - both horizontal and vertical. It portrays the story of how a man found Salvation by someone showing him what grace is all about. And the beautiful thing about it is he shows the same grace and mercy that God has shown him through the Bishop.

It's not a Christian story, but you see and hear the references. In the first few lines of 'Who Am I':

Who am I, that I condemn this man to slavery.

Pretend I do not feel his agony.

This innocent who wears my face,

Who goes to judgment in my place.

I mean, I realize these are lyrics that pertain to Valjean's inner conflict of whether he should give himself up or not. But I mean, those lines pretty much speak about the Gospel right? I mean, that's what grace is about (1 John 4:9-10). That is love: that a God would send His Son to die for a people undeserving.

I guess I just love this musical because it reminds me of how a glorious God can love and redeem miserable human beings like us. And I think I might always marvel about this fact.

The best thing about thing is, just like Valjean had, there is certainty in Salvation. If you truly believe, then you are truly saved and nothing will ever separate you from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39).

And so I must now leave you with my favorite line from this musical:

And remember the truth that once was spoken - to love another person is to see the face of God.

Psalm 115

“Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness.” – Psalm 115:1 (ESV)

This year, I’ll do better. This year, I’ll be more diligent in my studies. This time I won’t put my work down to the last minute.

Sounds familiar? We've all tried (and failed) to stick to our resolutions. We make them at the beginning of the year because we've reflected on how poorly we may have done in the previous year. So we make plans to wash the stain of the past year with renewed (and maybe premature, too) determination to be better people by our own effort so that in the end, we can proudly say that I did this because of me. While it is tempting, we end up forgetting who the focus of our year – our everyday lives, really – should be. Our year shouldn't be so that WE could shine and be the stars of our lives. We should remind ourselves that from the moment we've accepted Jesus into our lives, we've basically accepted that we’re never going to bring glory to ourselves. And if anyone be glorified, it should be Him.

Not to us, dear God, but to You be the glory. May our eyes always shift towards You. May we learn to love who You love. May we commit to faithfully obeying You. Humble our hearts, break us if You have to. Use us as a vessel, Lord, that Your majesty may shine through us. In Christ's name, Amen.

Time to Grow Up

It’s time people stop pointing fingers and accusing God of abandoning us when things go horribly wrong. Wake up people, it’s not His fault that innocent lives were lost 3 days ago. God didn’t do that, a person did. A person has free will because God gave him free will - and it is because of the misuse of that freedom why 27 people are dead in one morning.

This is not God turning a blind eye or punishing us. This is the consequence of our own actions. We worry about offending other people so we remove religious paraphernalia and we refuse to have our children be guided morally, theologically, because “hey, I don’t think it’s nice to shove my beliefs down other peoples’ throats”. And yeah, it’s not. But teaching children how to be morally upright human beings should hardly be a problem? I think the biggest problem is that it’s not stressed enough. That’s why teachers like Victoria Soto have to stand in front of a shooter and die protecting her students. 

God didn’t abandon us - we abandoned Him. We were more concerned about what other people thought of us than how God sees us. We have no right to question God. He doesn’t make mistakes, letting that Lanza boy shoot all those people wasn’t God’s mistake. 

Our decisions, our actions, our responsibilities. He is sovereign, but he is not a puppeteer that controls our every action. He is our creator not a destroyer. It is ignorant to think that the God who sent His son to die for a world full of murderers, liars, adulterers, thieves, bullies, pedophiles, greedy, proud, envious, treacherous people and be the same God who willed for these people to be killed. 

People kill people.

It’s time we take full responsibility for our sins and stop blaming God for everything. A God as loving, merciful, and just as He is, is not a God who will personally move someone to murder children and adults in cold blood. So before we accuse God of being unfair and questioning His power, maybe we should first spend the time to get to know Him.

That Vicious Cycle Of

Then Jehoahaz sought the favor of the Lord, and the Lord listened to him, for he saw the oppression of Israel, how the king of Syria oppressed them. (Therefore the Lord gave Israel a savior, so that they escaped from the hand of the Syrians, and the people of Israel lived in their homes as formerly. Neverthelss, they did not depart from the sins of the house of Jeroboam, which he made Israel to sin, but walked in them;) - 2 Kings 13: 4-6

It's been a while.

A lot has happened in my life - some ups and some downs. But mostly... Mostly, I've had a lot of plateaus. Just plateaus or things that I consider to be a part of my life, something that happened but hasn't really left a mark. I don't know, maybe I'm just looking for trouble again; something, anything to make my life interesting again. And it wasn't until now (and this isn't just a figure of speech; I mean it literally) that I figured that the reason why I'm probably so mleh about everything is because I haven't been delighting in God.

I wasn't seeking Him, I barely talked to Him, and yet somehow - I'm continually blessed. I've been so out of touch that I know I probably missed out on a lot from what He really wants to tell me. And the thing is, this discontentment has been mutating, and brewing into something nasty. I've been judgmental (and boy was I judgmental - just the commute home!), I've been envious, and secretly irritable at people who have done nothing wrong against me. 

When I was younger, I used to believe that whenever I was misbehaving or doing something wrong that the enemy possess me - that I had no control over my actions. Having grown up and knowing better, after acknowledging the fact that I misbehave because I chose to misbehave, now I'm just crippled by guilt. I have free will, I knew what I was doing. I just had to man up and be responsible for it. So I try to change - whatever it is that I had done wrong, and try harder to love God with my entire being, and love my neighbor as myself. Until something else happens that places me in a stagnant status with my relationship with God. Simply put, "until I mess up again".

This shouldn't be the case. But let's be honest, the opposite of it hardly happens consistently or even at all. Israel (or God's chosen nation) wasn't fairing any better. At a time when most of their kings reigned for an average of 10 years, and they had to seek God's favor after failing miserably. 

We fail, we ask for forgiveness, and we start the cycle of doing what we're told not to. It's a vicious cycle and it's easy to say that people aren't as sharp as we give them credit for. It's easy to bully the Israelites - how they basically never appreciated anything. But we have to stop and consider that we are just like them. We mess up - oftentimes in more massive ways that the Israelites ever did. Yet God still loves and forgives us in the most beautiful way. 

A lot of the times, I forget about grace. To be more specific, I forget about how grace works. 

But regardless of how many times we mess things up one thing's for certain: It is grace that saves - not by anything else. Our commitment lies in messing up less and less - until our faults have been dealt with - and in ensuring that we back up our words with our actions. 

Obeying God is one of the wonderful ways we can show our love and faith in Him.

For Good

Gosh, it's practically been two months since I last updated. But anyway, I just wanted to share something again.

I saw something on my Facebook news feed yesterday, and I guess it was a little more than challenging to wrap my head around it. I don't know. I suppose I'm really not supposed to be surprised about it. But it's something that's definitely will be difficult for me to get used to. It's just that, even when I've moved on and at peace with what God has done in my life, seeing that Mr. Ex is in a relationship with a new girl is, I don't know, something similar to showering with cold water?

I know for a fact that the love that I have for him now is that of love for a brother in Christ. Still. To be honest, it was a bitter pill to swallow - and I've told God this, that I think it's a pride thing. After all, I broke up with him and he ends up being in a relationship sooner than me. I think my competitive side just wanted to come out. Like what I told my best-friend, even though I know that God has intended someone else for me I just wanted us to be in the same "level" in a way that I was good with settling with just having suitors. Heh.

Then I remember what I told my discipler around 2 weeks ago: God doesn't destroy our dreams. Instead of seeing him as a destroyer, we should see him as a safe-keeper. Because He doesn't ruin our dreams or desires just to spite us. He refines them, and keeps them safe, until the time is perfect and God sees that we're ready for it. 

Being in a relationship isn't something that should be rushed. What's more is that it's something that shouldn't be pursued in order to get ahead of someone, or treat is as a competition. If and when a person enters a relationship, they should do it first because they love God and that they want to glorify Him through their relationship, and second because they are honest to goodness, sincerely, hopelessly, and madly in love with each other - and that nothing will and should separate them.

As if that little nugget wasn't enough, lyrics from Wicked's For Good popped into my head as well, these lines especially: 

I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led

To those who help us most to grow

If we let them

And if we help them in return

So he came into my life, and God knows I've learned lots from the whole mess of things. And I praise God that the way that I see this part of my life now has completely changed. Because even when we did end up hurting each other, I know that I grew both as a person and in my relationship with God.

And that's all that really matters. 

Best Birthday Yet

photo (c) of Teacher Syl, my Cooperating Teacher or CT. :)

Thank You Lord for blessing me with such a great birthday. Thank You for blessing me with a family that loves, friends who are willing to make the extra effort to celebrate my birthday with me and make it memorable. And finally God, I thank You for my students and the staff at LEAP. Thank You that I felt Your love through them - that though I’ve only been there for a little less than a month, they’ve done so much for me today. Ibang klase ka talaga magmahal, God. I love you, dear God. I lift all of these things in Your son’s precious name, Amen.

During Meeting Time

Teacher: Friends, when teacher is saying something you listen. If you want to say something, wait until teacher has finished talking, ok?
Everyone: Ok
Student 1: If we want to say something we say excuse me.
Teacher: That's right, we can do that too. (Talks about something)
Student 2: Excuse me!
Teacher: Yes darling?
Student 2: Chasminawadin. (Jasmine, Aladdin). :)

This was legit ok? :)) They are the most adorable kids in the world. :)

A Father's Influence

(Contains Legend of Korra spoilers. You have been warned.)

So I watched and then rewatched the season finale of Legend of Korra. While there were a lot of great scenes (Mike and Bryan both did a really great job with the finale), I feel as though the Tarrlok and Noatok’s story arc affected me the most.

I used to dislike Tarrlok a lot, especially since his ambition got the best of him. But that story of him and his brother and the tremendous influence that their dad had on them was his redemption. Of course, it doesn’t excuse his actions and what he did to Korra but it explains a lot.

“Fathers do not exasperate your children. Instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” — Ephesians 6:4

Okay, I realize I’m probably taking this a little too seriously (especially since it is just a cartoon). But I can’t help but dwell on how big an influence a father has on his kids. If a dad does a really poor job and even merits the title of being the worst dad in the world, it really messes a person up. Young dads (if you are reading this), if you think that whatever you do won’t have any bearing on the lives of your children, think again. God gave you the role of not only a father in the family but a leader as well. So whatever you do, your kids do as well. And whatever screwed up thing you do, it will hurt, wound, and scar your children. 

Your actions WILL leave a mark.

Yakone had the opportunity to start over, to do well as a father. But his pride and his desire for vengeance stood in the way of that. He raised wounded soldiers instead of sons. Of course, this is not to excuse what Tarrlok and Amon proceeded to do with their lives when they grew up. You always have a choice to do what’s right. While your circumstances and your childhood may have a bearing, they should not make you who you are.

You may have no control over the family life that you’ve had - if it was truly horrible - but we can take control of our actions. We CAN choose doing what is right over doing what is wrong.

Besides, our relationship with God is reflective of our relationship with our own dads. In the same way that how we see our own dads can become a hindrance in our relationship with God and our perception of Him.

That’s right dads, you have a huge responsibility resting on your shoulders.

And that concludes what I wanted to say about Korra. Heh.

Ate Alyssa

I'm gonna have to start getting used to being called that by the younger kids. Ha. Today marks my first day as a ygroup leader. I have to say, it is one of the best things that God has allowed me to do.

I hope I wasn't the only one that felt anxious and scared when asked to lead a group of adolescent girls (boys for others) starting this year. So I was, but after this morning, the excitement overpowered the fear. 4 ygroup leaders, 19 incoming HS freshmen: 12 boys, 7 girls - my 7 girls. Of course, I'm still going to think that at some point I'm going to say something wrong and inevitably ruin a child's life. But, I'm learning to just leave that part up to God. I pray that I would be a clear enough tool to convey His message. 

Hee. I just can't believe that God has blessed me so much; and I'm just so thankful. I'm thankful to the One who saved me - in more ways that just the cross. Knowing and remembering everything that He's done and have continued to do in my life, I can do nothing but give Him all the praise.

Dear God,

Thank You for being a wise, loving, and generous God. Thank You because all things work through You. Lord, I just can't help but remember what You told us - ask and we shall receive. If it was Your will - if it was compatible with Your will - You wouldn't deny us the desire of our hearts. So I asked Lord, and You gave it to me in Your perfect time. I am just grateful, and so filled by the desire to serve You. Thank You God for the 7 girls that compose my ygroup. I've only gotten to know most of them today, but God I am excited to know each of them more. With Your guidance, I pray that I would be able to minister to them well.

Father, I am ecstatic about this new part in my life and I just pray God that I refrain from anything that would mess it all up. Lord, I just thank You for the opportunity as well as the privilege that You've given for me to serve You. I pray God that as I become this leader that You want me to be, that my relationship with You will only grow stronger. I pray for each one of my girls, I ask that they will all learn to enjoy spending time with You - something that You still continue to teach me. I pray for their relationship with You, and I pray that You would just provide them with the desire to obey You, follow the same path as You did and be righteous alongside You.

You have blessed me so much through this Lord, and I just can't thank You enough. 

I love You, God.

In Christ's name I pray, Amen.

Apology to my parents

Because I've already given them the handwritten version of this letter, I think that it is safe to post the soft copy of it here. It is my prayer that whoever reads this - someone who maybe going through what I did - will reflect on his/her actions and come clean to his/her parents. I pray that my letter will be able to minister to you.

To Ma and Pa

Hi. 

I know it must be weird that I'm writing to you when there's no special holiday or celebration, but I do have a reason for this. There are two things that I want you to know through this letter. This is the first one.

Mama, do you remember the time from almost 15 months ago that you caught me crying? Pa, it was the same day that you asked me about my eyes, if I slept or not. I wasn't completely honest with the both of you at that time. I was crying and I couldn't sleep well that night because of one thing: that was when Strong and I broke up. He wasn't just a suitor, we were together as a couple for three months even when you told me that neither of you approved of it. I want you to know that it wasn't an act of rebellion or that I did it out of anger towards you. My pride led me to believe that sooner or later, your perception of him would change. I now realize how wrong I was, and that Ma, you were right all along. 

From the very beginning, a lot of people from the Youth - people who knew me and who knew him - have already warned me against him. And I know that you told me to not even consider him as a prospect anymore after briefly meeting him for the first time. I'm sorry too, that I thought you were being judgmental, that you couldn't even give him a chance back then, but I realize how right you both were. 

I'm so sorry for entering a relationship with him even when you both told me not to, when people from the Youth told me to be careful, when God told me to obey the both of you. It was hard to resist, especially when we spent a lot of time together back then. And that was what we did, we spent a lot of time together na kami lang. I'm still a virgin, but I'm not as pure as I was before. I'm so sorry. The reason why we broke up was, at least on my part, I couldn't handle lying and disobeying the both of you and God anymore. So while I was hurting the next several months after that, I knew that I did the right thing.

I've moved on now, and I've been more vigilant in protecting my heart - especially since I committed on working with my relationship with God this year. So bawal ang guys ngayon.

This year's camp has been a good reminder of what I've been through, of the mistakes that I've committed, and it also convicted me to be honest with you about everything. Camp and another thing pushed me to be honest with you, and it's the second thing that I want you both to know.

By God's grace, I have been asked to lead a ygroup starting on June 10. While it's something that I wanted to do to be able to serve God more, I didn't think that I would do it this year. So I talked to God about it, and He just told me not to worry, that He's got everything under control. It just seemed like this is God's way of blessing me for obeying Him and granting the desire of my heart to serve Him. I accepted the offer, and starting on the 10th, I'll be a ygroup leader. Ma, Pa, this is a great opportunity that God blessed me with, and I really hope that I have both of your support. This means that I'll have to go to church earlier so I can attend the 8:30 service and then teach at 10:30. I don't want to bother either of you, so during Sundays, I'll commute going to Ortigas na lang.

So in part of wanting to be honest and the conviction that I had after camp, I wanted to tell you about this because I want to be a good example to the girls that I will be teaching and mentoring. I want to be a good witness and live a good testimony for God. I really hope that you both understand the foolishness that I did last year, and I'm really sorry for going behind your backs and disobeying you both.

I love you both.

Alyssa.

Failing to Expect the Unexpected

You know how in certain events - maybe in concerts or school plays or maybe even fire drills - the people in charge always tells you: “Expect the unexpected” or “Anticipate the worse and prepare for it”. But you’re not really paying much attention so you take it lightly - you pass it off as trying to stay as alert as possible. You know it, but you don’t really believe that it would happen.

The same thing sort of happened to me this evening. 

Now, I haven’t seen Mr. Ex for almost 5 months now, and I’ve gotten really used to it; comfortable even. Of course, at the back of my mind I knew that it wasn’t going to always be like that, that he’s going to show up eventually. Well, if it weren’t for my being at Fontana on that day, we would have definitely seen each other 2 weeks ago. That I arrived in Ortigas at around 9pm on that day was something of a blessing from God. He knew, without a doubt, that I wasn’t ready to face him (even if I have moved on). 

So when I saw him this evening, I felt as though the wind got knocked out of my lungs (Actually, I don’t know how to describe it. It was generally a weird feeling that settled over me, over my chest). Though, the urge to go to him, run to him, or anything that would make me be close to him was never there. Mostly, I was just thinking, This is so weird. It’s like seeing a ghost from my past. And for the most part, he is - he is my version of ghost of Christmas past. 

Shameful as it sounds, I wanted to run away and hide when I saw him. I was afraid of just encountering him, because you know what, seeing your ex is always going to be weird and awkward (that high 5 in the hallway? Awkward). What’s even more shameful, I actually thought that God didn’t prepare me for it; na parang: O iyan, you’re both in the same place. Deal with it.

But He prepared me, He continued to be faithful while I took His word lightly thinking that I was over that chapter in my life. Throughout the week, God revealed to me, reminded me to just keep on trusting in Him - no matter the circumstance. He reminded me that how we respond to certain situations in our lives will differentiate us. I mean, He set us apart for a reason. At first I was confused because I just kept on thinking, Yeah Lord, I know. I know how to cling onto You when certain things arise.

And to think that I wanted to hide like David did in his Psalms. Despite knowing that I can rely on God, for the first half of the service this evening, I actually failed to remember that I should rely and trust in God. When I skimmed through my devos in my head, and realized that God was preparing me since the week started, I read the passage for today. It was from Psalms 56, verses 3-4 really struck me. It says, 

“When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I TRUST; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?”

Then I started to be okay after that, I tried to process what was happening and talked to God about it then and there. And I am just thankful that He is such a sovereign God, and I know that it has been said so many times before. Pero sobrang iba talaga ‘pag na-experience mo na hindi ka talaga pababayaan ni God. He knows full well what I can and cannot handle. (And excuse me to be a bit of a nerd here, but God is just the perfect teacher. We have this term called Zone of Proximal Development in CDE. It’s the stage where children do certain tasks that need the guidance or assistance of a mature adult. This week, and especially tonight, I felt God guiding me through everything.)

So the point is, while seeing him today made me lose my footing a little, God was there to assist me in regaining my balance once again. 

I am just in awe of our God. He is universal and personal at the same time; and when you personally experience His love for you, grabe lang ang kilig. He is indeed, worthy of all glory and praise.

Running Reflection

Some people say that when they run, it's like they completely forget everything and leave behind - their problems, their burdens. They focus on running, as though the physical aspect of it, makes up for what they can't figuratively do; to escape and run away from their issues and problems. And I get that, I understand it. For some people, running may be the only time they have for themselves.

I have no idea what happened, but I sort of managed to think about what happened last year and reflected on them.

I've whined about it enough to realize that while I was at that point in my life, I didn't appreciate the way that God was moving and shaping my life. All I thought of back then was how unfair everything seemed - how unfair God had seemed. All I could think about was how much I was hurting, how I thought that I could not possibly handle all of it. I thought that I probably was going to be bitter for a very long time.

The entire situation was a test of faith, when I know that I couldn't hold onto anything temporal, God was the only one who I could turn to. Grace is a gift, and faith even more so. And I guess, I just realized that if God was able to handle death on the cross for our sins, then He can do anything else. All these I-centered thoughts that I had were a waste of time. I realized, I should have spent more time thinking about Him and what He can do to me that what I can do to save myself.

Because no matter what people say (especially the feminists), we just cannot be our own Saviors. We can try, but I think we'll just end up frustrating ourselves more.

So yes, the entire drama from last year made me go through some tough refining, but at the end of it, you just come out stronger. And I'd like to think that I grew so much because of it. I actually think that it's funny how that event in my life turned out to be something that I would be grateful to have. :)

I just feel like the 5-day holiday has gotten a bit much. I need a reprieve... from my own family. I need time alone again.

Does that make me a horrible person?

Scapegoat

“The goat will carry on itself all their sins to a solitary place; and the man shall release it in the desert.” – Leviticus 16:22 

Imagine taking the blame and being accountable for something that you didn't do. Now imagine that, plus the possibility that after having the weight of people’s sins on your shoulders, the consequence for them is absolute banishment. You are no longer allowed to be with your family, not allowed to be with your friends, you have no food, no clothes besides the ones on your back, and no one to be with you. You are, essentially, used for the protection, the safety, and the salvation of everybody else. 

Hard to swallow, isn't it? 

As humans, we are wired to be egoistic – in the sense that, self-preservation comes very naturally to us. We would never intentionally put ourselves in harm’s way, not if we can help it. So while imagining all of those won’t be hard, doing and agreeing to all of them will be quite a feat. After all, saving others at the risk of your own life requires a lot of bravery. 

But what if someone already took the blame for us? What if I told you that because of Him, we dodged a really huge bullet? 

We all know the verse, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life”. From high up in His throne, God knew and saw every little screw ups that we had done, are doing, and will be doing. It displeases Him because all He ever wants from us for us to be with Him, to commune with Him, and to have fellowship with Him. And sin is like the Great Wall of China – it’s a massive obstacle to get to the other side. God saw all of these and knew that the only way that we will ever be righteous in His eyes is if the ultimate sacrifice was made. God knew that all of the world’s sins – past, present, and future – required something more than burnt, sin, and guilt sacrifices. He knew what had to be done. 

Now, I can’t say what God must have felt when the only way for all of us to be forgiven is if His Son was to die. But if it were me, I would be devastated. But He did it because He loves us, tremendously. We were disgusting and filthy in His eyes, but the blood of Jesus cleansed us. He was the ultimate sacrifice. 

He was the scapegoat. 

It’s something that a lot of us have heard so many times, have grown numb and accustomed to this fact because we have heard it so many times. But unless we have an intimate relationship with God, this fact still won’t make any sense to us. 

His perfection covered all of our imperfections. We are insignificant and undeserving, but we are precious in His sight – He wanted to take protect us, and to take care of us. So thank You, Lord. Thank You for choosing to love us, for remaining faithful, and for saving us from ourselves. Thank You for being our scapegoat.

Writing Prompt - Til Death Do Us Part

I’m going to kill him.

That’s what she thinks; plainly, simply. It’s what comes into her mind the moment she smells a scent (a woman’s perfume) on his shirt, and sees red lipstick on his collar - it’s faded and smudged, but it’s there. She’s going to kill him, and then quite possibly hunt the woman down and kill her as well.

But damn if she’s not going to look fabulous while doing it.

And so she goes to their room, grabs and puts on this warm fuchsia toned dress she bought for their wedding anniversary (a few weeks ago; very romantic evening which now seems like a lie). She liked the irony of it - of wearing what was once a celebration of love to the now extremely manipulated and forced culmination of her husband's life.

Well, ex-husband by the end of the night.

The thing is, she had already let slide the first few times that she caught him cheating - they talked about it, had counseling, spent more time with each other. She put in the effort, and for a while it seemed like he was back to falling in love with her all over again. Boy was she wrong. And boy how much he screwed her over; breaking her trust time and time again. This time though, this time it’ll be different. There won’t be any more chances to waste. This time, she takes matters into her own hands.

So she puts on her favorite black pumps, dolls herself up with make-up, and the right accessories. Sprayed on her perfume and some hairspray, and grabs an ax on her way out; the same kind of ax he uses to chop up wood for their fireplace. She grabs her keys, turns on the ignition, and speeds her way to his office.

He’s going to get it, she calmly thought as though she wasn’t planning and eventually about to implement the demise of her husband. This time, he’ll really get it. And that good for nothing woman will go next.

It was a cold fierceness that settled over her. He screwed her over, and now she’s simply returning the favor.

She vaguely remembers their wedding vows. But she knows, remembers, that the end goes something like 'til death do us part'. And she thought that maybe it might a good idea to take that vow literally, and to giver herself the honor of personally killing him. 

'Til do us part, darling. Through your death we shall part.

This Thing Called Integrity

When a leader sins unintentionally and does what is forbidden in any of the commands of the Lord his God, he is guilty. - Lev. 4:22 

If we're already held accountable for our unintentional actions, what more if we committed certain acts with our full knowledge? Unintentional sins are just as grave. Because even if they weren't done on purpose, at some point you realize that whatever the deed was, it was wrong. I'm not saying I'm perfect and that I got this living an integral life in the bag - because I'm not. Just as any other human being in this planet, I mess up. But it's something that we need to realize - Christianity doesn't give us the right to say one thing and act another. Christianity is striving to be like Jesus, that despite our imperfect ways, we continue to strive in order to live like He did. 

So ignorance should never be an excuse. We'll know, when we've done something wrong - when we say something during a heated argument, when we tactlessly tease someone, when we become inconsiderate jerks. Of course, there is something else to be said about people who end up ignoring the warnings instead. Because then they are fully aware of what they are doing, then it's just a rebellion. Besides, if a person already knows that what he or she is doing is wrong but persists with the disobedience anyway, eventually the guilt will eat them up.

Integrity. 

It's not just about being the same kind of person at home, in school, or in Church. It's about standing firm in your convictions - that your actions do not contradict your words.